OK so what I've got for you today is this workshop outline I'm doing with a colleague for the zine our senior class will publish at the end of the semester. I'm not exactly sure why I felt called to this project but I really, really, did and the woman I'm working with on it has been a pleasure to work with so it's just been good all around.
It is still, majorly, in a formative state (I'm also compiling a resource list which is not included below). In other words, this is not at all our final draft. I am putting it up here for constructive criticism and feedback, because I want it to be as good as it possibly can be! Also, I know that both my partner and I have similar privileges (for example, both cis, pretty much white and middle class) which we can not really check each other on, AND this is a similar concern for the people I have immediately around me in class.
So anyway, without further ado...
You Will Probably Have Sex Someday
What am I reading?
Following is a brief and tentative outline of our intended layout and key points for a sex-positive sexuality education workshop which would last about 3 hours. This outline/guide is primarily intended for audiences who already have some grasp of gender and sexuality studies, with the understanding that confusing elements for the students involved in the workshop could be addressed and explained during class time. Some aspects of the outline would need to be tailored specifically for each individual audience, for instance, to make the workshop culturally relevant, or to address the specific laws of the state/county the workshop is being held in. Finally, you will find that under some discussion points there will be a number of questions, if these are not addressed directly in the section below it is because we recognized that these may be discussed in more than one section of the workshop, or that the answers might alter slightly depending on the class context, and have left these options open for more flexibility.
Why did we create this workshop?
We think it is very important for people to have non-judgmental access to accurate information about sex and sexuality. We are troubled by the way some organizations have approached this topic and believe a lack of accurate information reproduces oppressive and unequal relationships. We believe that a person’s sexuality and sexual expression are unique and that each individual should feel they are in control of their sexuality/gender expression. We hope that our presentation will contribute to your developing a secure sense of self during a turbulent time.
Who is this workshop for?
We have created an outline for a sex positive sex education workshop catered to sophomores in high school. This is done with an understanding of their developmental location, as well as a cognizance of their likely life experiences and social interactions and relationships. Our intention is to provide and equip 14-16 year olds with the knowledge and tools they need to help develop their own understandings of their bodies, their sexualities, and their gender identities, as well as to facilitate future healthy relationships in their lives.
We want to avoid current and past practices of shaming and silencing issues around sex and sexuality to create a more open, honest, and accurate place for teenagers to acquire, interact with and apply information.
1) Who are we? (10 min)
2) Terms you should know (20 min)
Þ Sex: a category assigned at birth based on your secondary sexual characteristics. People born with an organ recognized by the doctors or midwife as a penis will be assigned “male” and people with an organ recognized as a vulva/vagina will be assigned “female.” People with ambiguous genitalia are considered “intersex” and often doctors will recommend surgery to “correct” that baby’s ambiguous sexual organs so that they may be assigned a “proper” sex. This surgery has sometimes even been done without parental knowledge/consent. Your assigned sex is commonly understood to determine your gender (though this is inaccurate).
Þ Gender: socially accepted/expected behaviors, personal traits, and physical appearance commonly recognized as “male/masculine” or “female/feminine.”
Þ Cisgender: someone who identifies with the sex/ gender they were assigned at birth.
Þ Transgender: someone who does not identify with the sex/gender they were assigned at birth.
Þ Genderqueer: someone who does not identify with or perform one socially accepted gender.
Þ Sexuality: behaviors, attractions and beliefs related to sexual feelings and expression.
3) Relationships (we all have them!) (30 min)
Þ As we’re sure you already know there are many different types of relationships a person will have with others throughout their lifetime; relationships with family, with acquaintances, with friends, and for many people, eventually relationships that involve sexual desire.
Desire is an emotion everyone feels and it is not always sexual in nature. In addition, the form it takes, and specifically what persons or behaviors are desired will vary widely from person to person. It is good to pay attention to your own feelings of desire because they can help tell you what you do and do not want out of a relationship with another person. This is important to know so that you can talk openly with your partner about what you are and are not comfortable with in the relationship (whether that relationship is romantic or not).
What you are or are not comfortable with can be described as the “boundaries” of the relationship. Boundaries can be everything from how often you both spend time just with each other versus separately or together with your other friends, to whether you will practice monogamy, to whether or not you want to be sexually active and what exactly “sexually active” will mean for you.
It is with this last example in mind that we have put together this workshop, to provide you with information so that you might feel comfortable making informed choices about your bodies and what you do with them, and the tools to communicate these desires to your partner(s). We realize that this sort of open communication is often not encouraged by authority figures and peers, that often people who “know too much” about sex are looked down upon, but we believe it is vitally important to understand desire and sexuality so that you can determine and set your own relationship boundaries.
Þ Consent: What is it? What are the laws about consent? What is enthusiastic consent?
o In this context, “consent” means an agreement to engage in a sexual activity. All people have the right to decide whether or not they will engage in sexual activity.
o The only form of valid consent is an enthusiastic “Yes” to each and every activity! “Maybe”, “wait”, “not yet”, “I’m not sure”, silence from your partner, or any other sign of hesitation on their part should all be understood as simply “no”. In addition, consent to one activity should never be taken as consent to any other activities!
Þ Rape and Abuse: What is rape? How is rape legally defined? How do I make sure I never rape someone? Can men be raped? Is it true if I dress “sexy” or flirt with someone that I have to have sex with them? What is date rape? What is sexual harassment? What is “sexual silence”?
o Rape is when someone is physically forced, threatened with physical force, or otherwise coerced into performing a sexual act they do not wish to. This can happen to anyone.
o “When either partner isn't given or allowed to have an equal voice, or when one voice or person is dismissed or silenced, we are usually looking at abuse. When one partner chooses not to treat another with respect and care for their physical, emotional and sexual health, well-being and safety, it is abuse.”[i]
o Resources: www.sexlaws.org contains information on your local laws.
http://www.rainn.org/ Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, 1800-656-HOPE 24/7
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/dealing_with_rapehttp://www.scarleteen.com/article/crisis/blinders_off_getting_a_good_look_at_abuse_and_assault
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Break (20 min)
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4) STI’s and Birth Control (the stuff EVERYONE covers!) (20 min)
Þ Prevention: condoms/dams/gloves (brief overview)
Þ Birth control: condoms/HBC/natural family planning (brief overview)
o How/where to get testing for STI’s, pap smears, HBC, condoms, abortion (local laws and reference to local clinics with emphasis on sex positive, queer/trans friendly care).
5) Bodies (we all have these!) (30 min)
Þ People’s bodies look differently from each other; there is a lot of normal variety in how people look and function, both in their faces, body types, ability, height, weight and sex organs.
o It’s important to feel comfortable in your own skin, as impossible as that may sound to you right now, during a time when everyone is judging everyone else for the way they look. Try not to judge yourself, that your body keeps you alive is, in of itself, amazing.
Þ Functions: Periods and Emissions (milestones for people with uteruses or penises)
o Period devices (cloth pads, disposable pads, tampons, menstrual cups)
o Discharge: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/body/honorably_discharged_a_guide_to_vaginal_secretions
Þ Gender: Most people feel uncomfortable with some or all of the expectations placed on us by others because of our gender. Maybe you are a girl and hate the dresses your parents want to put you in. Maybe you are a boy and hate sports. That boys love sports and girls love dresses are gender stereotypes and do not fit all cisgender men and women.
o Sometimes, this discomfort goes further than these examples. Maybe your parents tell you that you are a boy, but you know they are wrong and you are in fact a girl, or vice versa. It is possible you are transgender. Sometimes this can be confusing, other times it is not at all. Being transgender is also a normal bodily configuration! It is especially important for all cisgender people to understand this, because often transgender people meet with violence from cisgender people who are afraid of them.
6) Sexuality (the good stuff) (30 min)
Þ Sexual expression
o When engaging in partnered sex some people have a strong preference for certain types of bodies (gay, lesbian, straight) and some people do not (pansexual, bisexual), this is normal.
Þ Sex
o Many people have sex, but some people don’t like to; both are ok!
o Masturbation – A fun, common & healthy activity, though, no, not “everyone” does it.
o Sex toys – Can be used during masturbation or partnered sex as accessories.
§ Rubber vs. Silicone & safety.
o Partnered sex - Many people have varying sexual fantasies and desires, which is why communication is so important.
o Pleasure – Center mutual pleasure in any sexual activities.
o Lube – Important and useful, for instance when using condoms so they feel good and are less likely to break.
o Porn – Some people like it, some people don’t, be aware that this is entertainment and should not necessarily be used as a template for enjoyable sexual activities, communicating with your partner about likes and dislikes is a more effective strategy than copying pornography!
7) Q&A – Answer questions from box and raised hands (30 min)
Þ Questions should be being sorted while other person is speaking in previous sections
