Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Amanda, BFP and Hugo
So today on my Google Reader reading I see: "If it's stealing you'd better prove it".
And I go "....................................."
Since BFP's server is down or something at the moment. I can't go look at this post.
But, I have to tell you, Hugo's post here, it smacks of everything privilege has to offer. And it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
And I go "....................................."
Since BFP's server is down or something at the moment. I can't go look at this post.
But, I have to tell you, Hugo's post here, it smacks of everything privilege has to offer. And it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Cis/hetero-privilege?
I don't think of myself in terms of labels much anymore when it comes to sexuality. I guess I am primarily hetero, as I feel strongly attracted to men on an every day basis. I find women attractive, but not at all in the same way, I don't see a really good looking woman and get all atwitter like I do with men. They don't make me forget how to talk, like one very good looking guy I know does regularly. At the same time, I enjoy looking at them, and find more women attractive than men. And I'm clearly not only hetero, as I am interested in having sexual experiences with women should the opportunity present itself.
On the other hand I'm not at all comfortable calling myself bi-sexual. For one, I don't believe in the gender binary (which the whole "bi" thing reproduces, imo). For another, I wouldn't have a partnered relationship with a woman. Just, does not interest me. Even entertaining the thought of polyandry, multiple male partners are my fantasy. On that note, why not identify as pansexual? Same reason. I'm happy to draw sexual partners from any category; trans men, trans women, cis men, cis women, androgynous, non-gender identified... doesn't matter to me much. But relationships? Nope. Men offer something unique for me in that regard, cis men in particular. I'm not sure what (a penis to my vagina coupled with masculinity to my femininity maybe? perhaps in relationships I am just that binary-oriented?). But there's a balance for me in cissexual/heterosexual relationships that I've never had in a relationship with a woman (but perhaps could have with a trans man).
In a similar vein, I also have a hard time finding a label for my husband and my relationship. Are we swingers? Sort of, but not really, "swapping" isn't our primary interest. As we've sort of stalemated at this point, partly waiting for me to get the courage to venture into something new, partly lack of opportunities where we currently live, I don't know how this might change in the future. But anyway, we're definitely not polyamorous, because that implies love involved, not just sex. And it's just sex for us. Though, like I said above, I wouldn't mind having a few close guy friends who I occasionally slept with. Not boyfriends, but, just friends I chat with semi-regularly, where we know each other pretty well, are comfortable with each other, sleep together on occasion, but no investment, no "omg if you don't call me Friday I get to yell at you" bullshit. So even that isn't involving love.
Swingers works well enough for now. I can't say the same for any label I've ran across for sexual orientation, however. Since I'm married, people tend to assume I'm hetero anyway, and when it comes down to it that's the label I'm most comfortable with, despite it's obvious flaws. This begs the question of WHY that is, though. And hence the title of this post. Cis- hetero- is the norm. There's privilege that go along with this (like, for instance, that I get to BE married), how much of my comfort with the mislabeled label stems from this? On the other hand, I WISH I could take on the pansexual label, because it's cool, and forward thinking. But as far as I can tell I would be rather an interloper, not REALLY pan. A poser. And I hate posers.
So... I dunno. Fuck labels, I guess. If people want to have an actual discussion about the interactions of gender, sexuality and orientation, I'm happy to get into the intricacies that are me. But until then, it just saves a lot of headache to let them assume whatever they want to assume, I guess.
*edited to remove problematic language on Dec 23, 2010*
On the other hand I'm not at all comfortable calling myself bi-sexual. For one, I don't believe in the gender binary (which the whole "bi" thing reproduces, imo). For another, I wouldn't have a partnered relationship with a woman. Just, does not interest me. Even entertaining the thought of polyandry, multiple male partners are my fantasy. On that note, why not identify as pansexual? Same reason. I'm happy to draw sexual partners from any category; trans men, trans women, cis men, cis women, androgynous, non-gender identified... doesn't matter to me much. But relationships? Nope. Men offer something unique for me in that regard, cis men in particular. I'm not sure what (a penis to my vagina coupled with masculinity to my femininity maybe? perhaps in relationships I am just that binary-oriented?). But there's a balance for me in cissexual/heterosexual relationships that I've never had in a relationship with a woman (but perhaps could have with a trans man).
In a similar vein, I also have a hard time finding a label for my husband and my relationship. Are we swingers? Sort of, but not really, "swapping" isn't our primary interest. As we've sort of stalemated at this point, partly waiting for me to get the courage to venture into something new, partly lack of opportunities where we currently live, I don't know how this might change in the future. But anyway, we're definitely not polyamorous, because that implies love involved, not just sex. And it's just sex for us. Though, like I said above, I wouldn't mind having a few close guy friends who I occasionally slept with. Not boyfriends, but, just friends I chat with semi-regularly, where we know each other pretty well, are comfortable with each other, sleep together on occasion, but no investment, no "omg if you don't call me Friday I get to yell at you" bullshit. So even that isn't involving love.
Swingers works well enough for now. I can't say the same for any label I've ran across for sexual orientation, however. Since I'm married, people tend to assume I'm hetero anyway, and when it comes down to it that's the label I'm most comfortable with, despite it's obvious flaws. This begs the question of WHY that is, though. And hence the title of this post. Cis- hetero- is the norm. There's privilege that go along with this (like, for instance, that I get to BE married), how much of my comfort with the mislabeled label stems from this? On the other hand, I WISH I could take on the pansexual label, because it's cool, and forward thinking. But as far as I can tell I would be rather an interloper, not REALLY pan. A poser. And I hate posers.
So... I dunno. Fuck labels, I guess. If people want to have an actual discussion about the interactions of gender, sexuality and orientation, I'm happy to get into the intricacies that are me. But until then, it just saves a lot of headache to let them assume whatever they want to assume, I guess.
*edited to remove problematic language on Dec 23, 2010*
Monday, April 07, 2008
Free Tibet
I will make this short and sweet, bottom line talk!
China sucks.
Fuck them.
Free Tibet!
The Parisians had fun today, San Francisco's turn tomorrow (but we got started early).
China sucks.
Fuck them.
Free Tibet!
The Parisians had fun today, San Francisco's turn tomorrow (but we got started early).
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Further Understandings of White Privilege
In the comments of this post Donna asked:
And I replied:
You know what's funny [read: rather embarrassing] that I realize now, months and much reading later?
Those classes and my family, I mean, yah we talked about race and racism, in the WS class in particular we discussed criticism of the feminist movement being rooted in the experience of white middle class feminists. But, that was it. We never took the next step into understanding white privilege, or what white people need to do for feminism to be INCLUSIVE.
Isn't it funny (read: painfully frustrating) how a topic can be covered so often and yet the heart of it never examined?
I have to change my previous statement. As while the concept has been acknowledged, the actual work involved in it has not, is not, and that's what actually counts.
In other words, you were right Donna.
Who says it's [racism in feminism] over done? I'd like to see where white feminists are discussing this at all.
And I replied:
For ME that topic is overdone. In my one women's studies class I've taken so far, we talked at length about the issue of race in feminism. And I've heard it over and over and over again. Feminism is white-centric, it ignores issues of economy and race. That doesn't mean that's true for all feminists, but for me, growing up in the politically conscious family I did, and going to the schools I have, it's been done. I recognize there are shortcomings in mainstream feminism.
You know what's funny [read: rather embarrassing] that I realize now, months and much reading later?
Those classes and my family, I mean, yah we talked about race and racism, in the WS class in particular we discussed criticism of the feminist movement being rooted in the experience of white middle class feminists. But, that was it. We never took the next step into understanding white privilege, or what white people need to do for feminism to be INCLUSIVE.
Isn't it funny (read: painfully frustrating) how a topic can be covered so often and yet the heart of it never examined?
I have to change my previous statement. As while the concept has been acknowledged, the actual work involved in it has not, is not, and that's what actually counts.
In other words, you were right Donna.
Assasination of MLK Jr.
I can't possibly put up something as eloquent as BFP already has, so I forward you to her moving post.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
6 word memoir
Well then!
Only for you Meghan. :P
The Rules
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4. Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!
So here's mine...
What do you want, a cookie?
I think it's appropriate >.>
So, I tag... Rupert, Lady Brett, Essin'Em, Figleaf, and Sarah.
Only for you Meghan. :P
The Rules
1. Write your own six word memoir
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere
4. Tag five more blogs with links
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!
So here's mine...
What do you want, a cookie?
I think it's appropriate >.>
So, I tag... Rupert, Lady Brett, Essin'Em, Figleaf, and Sarah.
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