Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I was just as silent

I have held some guilt for some time.

"Silence is not consent."

We all know this, yes?

But I didn't always.

I have taken silence as consent.

The guy was very up front with how shy he was with girls, with how difficult it was to make moves, how difficult to be up front, how insecure he was.

I was very up front with how I was none of these things with boys, open, and comfortable with making moves. We talked, flirted, exchanged suggestions and innuendo.

I met him eventually and in my flush of youthful self confidence, in the assurance of "guys always want sex" I made my move. The next day, he was confident/comfortable enough to make one.

But I didn't ask before I made that move. I didn't ask to see if we were still on the same page. I didn't ask why his heart was racing. I knew. I thought I knew. I hope I knew.

Even if I was correct though...that doesn't make it right.

I didn't know then. All the guys in my life made me believe I was a great gift to guys, being as open and comfortable as I was. That I had much to teach the inexperienced.

But that doesn't make it right.

It could have been rape.

Gods I hope not.

Even if it was from my view, I doubt the guy would ever think of it that way.

But that doesn't make it right.

This social brainwashing. It has to end. These gender stereotypes. They have to end. People should not be taught to be silent.

Because I was just as silent as he.


  1. Wow... I sympathize. I just don't know where that line is between being assertive as a woman saying what she wants... and forgetting to find out whether he wants the same thing. Very powerful.

  2. very brave of you to write...

    and wonderful of you to say it!

    what a powerful message!


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