I don't know how you do it.
When I first started seeing through a feminist lens, I started to think I might go crazy with all the things I saw that people marginalized, trivialized and generally ignored.
Seeing through a racial lens, an imperfect as mine is I'm sure... I feel it all over again. And the racial issues are even worse, even more disheartening.
Truly, I don't know how you do it. But I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
You know what? When I read about all the maddening stuff, I try to start with the assumption that I am already crazy so if I feel crazy after hearing all the b.s. ways that people are marginalized and othered, it doesn't bother me so much. Of course, that may be a completely crazy way of viewing things too, so...
ReplyDeleteActually, I often feel like everyone else is coping better than I am. Even when I do feel emotionally able to talk about these kinds of issues, I'm never sure that what I have to say will really mean anything to anyone other than me. There are so many eloquent feminists on the web who can quote from Dworkin and McKinnon and Lordes and all these other feminist writers and I? Well, I can probably spit out some totally irrelevant information about tree frogs or banana slugs but that's probably it.
Do seemingly ordinary voices matter? I'd like to think so. They matter to me. I think that no one is really ordinary if you get to know them. We're all these really amazing souls with unique voices that need to be heard by someone. The idea that someone has ever taken the time to read what I thought was important to write about means so much to me.
I can't speak for the others--and I don't know how I managed to get grouped with awesome folks like them--I know that the only reason I can write is because of the hope that maybe someone else is feeling the same way and then I don't feel as if I should see myself as some sort of "freak" or "lunatic" or any of the other words that I might feel tempted to apply to myself after hearing them used in reference to me or people like me.
Even hearing that you sometimes find this stuff disheartening helps me so much because I feel less guilty about not being one of those people who can just stay on top of every issue that arises and be right there in the forefront when the protests and demonstrations occur. Sometimes, I'm just not up for it, ya' know? Sometimes, I can totally believe in a cause but still I'll feel like I just can't bring myself to tackle it at that time.
I live in Louisiana and do you know that I never did write about the Jena Six issue? So, given the excellent writing on your blog, perhaps you should be telling me how YOU do it.
there's hardly a choice, i feel...i've been on a mission to undo the ugly or water it down or bring up the beautiful or see it more clearly, to refine myself, my vision, my eye, my treatment of others, my truth...all my life. i've hit different areas, different parts of myself, different levels at differnet times. this was one of the most important things ive looked at for myself. and its made me better in various ways, because once you seek to be free of your own poison and others, it can easily spread to so many areas of consciousness. for the better. yes, effort, yes pain. and sometimes i have to look away. but i'm very glad for the changes i've made in myself, and those i try to reinforce still.
ReplyDeletethank you.