This isn't something I've talked about much on this blog, generally reserving conversations about my sex life to my friends via LJ. I don't know if it's simply been a point of keeping this blog more political and less personal, or what exactly. Although looking back at posts where I thought I would have mentioned this, I haven't! With the exception of my cis-privilege post I've apparently almost never mentioned that my husband and I are non-monogamous. How odd, I've talked about my hairy legs (and now often; armpits) and my period but not this highly-contested-in-feminist-circles area of my life. I even have avoided sharing this blog with family specifically so I could feel free to post about this stuff. But, probably a lot of the lack of talk has to do with the fact that in the year and a half that I've been running The Jaded Hippy I haven't had any "trysts" of which to speak anyway.
Well, now you know. We are non-monogamous. Have been for long enough now that it seems normal (well before we got married). Yet we are "virgins" in a lot of ways. I've been with other guys privately. I've kissed another guy in front of him. But he's not been with anyone else. We've never had a threesome. I've never even kissed another woman, and to be honest the thought freaks me out (like starting over at 10 years old all over again :P). He's not even remotely bisexual, so he hasn't been with another man either.
But he's wanted to share me with another guy for a long damn time now. Which, theoretically, I'm totally down with, and we have fantasized together about. I am not down with sharing him with another woman. Yes, I am a selfish lover. This is an aspect of myself that has actually taken a lot of thought to come to terms with. I'm a femme, a bottom, sex is something I like to be done to me, and I like to just lay back and relax into it. This isn't ALWAYS true, but it does seem to be part of my sexual nature. My husband is more of a "do-er" so this works out just fine. Even admitting such goes against what I grew up thinking about sex, which was more that basically it was my duty to do the pleasing, not be pleased. I used to feel very uncomfortable just receiving oral sex and not doing anything back at the same time. My mind also needs to really be engaged for me to get horny the way people in erotica do, I don't just naturally get to that state unless I'm sex starved, which now, I never am.
On top of that I have always had major issues with feeling guilty about being attracted to anyone but my partner. Even like, actors on TV. People would talk about fantasizing about someone else and I was just scandalized, it seemed half a step away from cheating. During my great Spike obsession I finally came a bit to terms with that and didn't guilt myself when he came to my mind while having sex... But yah, this, being open about sexuality, honest with each other, etc. has been a journey.
Well, in a new chapter, the husband and I have decided to do something we've been talking about doing since we lived in Seattle, so for at least two years now; we're going to check out a "sex club" (what the hell even IS a sex club?? I don't know I've never been to one!) Kinky Salon is what we decided on to be exact, which is a sex positive community that, as far as I can tell (and hope), has equal emphasis on the community part as the sex.
I'd looked through the various offerings in the Bay Area and this was the sole one to hold my attention. Others seemed to be too specific (just leather, or just bdsm, or just swinging, whatever, not our thing really), too sex oriented, or just not our sort of people. This one though seems to have a lot of geeks, and seem to care about people being able to just come and hang out as much as come out and find sex partners. It also doesn't at all look like this caters to random hook ups, but that you actually get to know people.
So! Tomorrow, we go. And we'll see. What absolutely clinched it for us, why we decided to finally go (I found this place shortly after we moved here) is, well: 1) husband has started making just a bit more money, though we're back in the red now, should have thought about how short this month is... but 2) the theme for Feb's parties are... Hippies. :P Well, it's a "Love-In", but, yah, hippies.
We figure if we hate it, we hate it, but if there's ever a time when we'll fit in, it's this one. I'm especially wary because (as mentioned) I've mostly stopped shaving and I don't want to have to start again just to be accepted in this "scene", that would not make me feel comfy. At points I'm sure I'll FEEL like doing the high femme thing, but I don't want to feel REQUIRED. So yah, if there's ever a time to test THAT out, it's hippie night. :P
Because BART has absolutely nonsensical running times, we decided to get a hotel room for the night in the city. Found a deal being run on a place that's a mile walk (not a big deal) from the party and usually is about 117 dollars a night, for 67, after taxes. Nice. So the plan will be to go into the city on BART, get dinner, check into the hotel and shower and get dressed up and all and then head out. The party runs from 10pm-4am. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. We're up this late some nights anyway, but still, sorta almost intimidating!
I think (read: know) we're both nervous, but hopefully we'll meet some cool people (that's our only goal, btw, we're treating it as a scouting mission to see if we would want to hang out with any of these people).
And if you're curious about the outfits (yes these are costume parties) I wanted to go with a Janis Joplin style but we didn't have the money for me to get the sort of outfit I wanted. So I'll be wearing one of the outfits I already sometimes wear (cuz, I am really a hippie lol) and doing Flower Children style face (body?) painting. Husband is doing a John Lennon circa 1970's military type outfit. We're hoping to find some patches he can pin to the jacket tomorrow afternoon. I'm also hoping maybe I'll find something, but I'm not sure what exactly.
So yah, new adventure, hopefully it won't suck (no sexual innuendos intended :P)! I'll let y'all know how it goes.